Wednesday, December 29, 2010

If you can't sleep, laugh

It's almost 2am on Tuesday morning, and I can't sleep... so I figured I would post something that makes me laugh... If you know me, you know that I actually like Ke$ha, mainly cause she's kind of a mess LOL.  Anyways, this video is a translation of the lyrics to her song "tik-Tok", from an extremely funny comedienne named Glozell.  So if you have never watched her, go to youtube Now and look her up because she always makes me smile...

Oh and P.S. I will be posting a real blog entry later today, because I have to tell all about the insanity that was my Christmas weekend on the ranch...   J

Monday, December 13, 2010

don't want no paper gangsta...

Sunday afternoon was interesting. I was on lunch at work, and got into a conversation with one of my friends. Basically he was whining about how he isn't totally happy in his relationship, but that he puts up with being halfway happy anyways. The reason? He said that he's too scared to be alone. This of course made me think about how often we settle for something less than great because of our fears? For a long time I settled. I was in pseudo-relationships with people I don't even think I liked, and why? because I was afraid of being alone...

Now I look back and it's odd to me that I was ever that person... the guy that was so insecure and afraid of himself that he couldn't be alone. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find somebody to give my heart to that loves me as much as I love them, but I'm not going to fall apart if it doesn't happen anytime soon. I may be alone, but I am far from lonely. I go out on dates, but I have rules I live by, because I don't want to get hurt again. And it also helps that I have a strong support system... I'm lucky enough to have awesome friends that make me realize just how amazing I am. And for that I am grateful!

So tonight I was supposed to have dinner with Doctor Hottie, aka the guy that I met last week on my day off when I was running in the park and looked like hell. But he got called in and had to cancel. We rescheduled for breakfast tomorrow morning, but honestly I don't really see it going anywhere. Maybe I've become TOO picky? I just don't want to waste so long on somebody that isn't willing to give as much love to me as I give to them. I'm not willing to accept mediocrity when I know that I am a complex, and slightly crazy man that needs somebody that gets me...

And once again I'm rambling because it's after 1 am and my brain is toast. So hopefully my earlier poetry post wasn't too painful, and I will be back tomorrow with an update on Monday... I hate mondays... seriously

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Some people should never write poetry...

So I am wide awake and felt like writing...  Mental note, never EVER let me write poetry ever again!  This is the best of the worst... they get really lame lol.  But thought I would share at least one of my horrible poems, further proof that jake is so not a writer!



Two eyes blue

Staring into

Two eyes grey

Confusion set in


Closer together

Until lips met

Fear vanishes

Passion moves in


World just flew by

And the rain poured down

Cities fell

And they were none the wiser


Trapped in that sweet embrace

The butterfly softness

The spring morning of it all

The skies disappeared


For all that mattered

All that life was about

All the hope they would ever ask for

Was found in the first kiss

Friday, December 10, 2010

Eye of The Beholder...


       Today I was thinking about perception, and how we may not realize the image that we are presenting to the rest of the world.  I recently got told by a friend that when they first met me, they thought I was vain, self absorbed, and stuck up.  Now I will fully admit that yes I can be self-absorbed.  And I'm definitely guilty of my fair share of vanity... However, I really don't see myself as being snobbish or stuck up.  I definitely don't think I have a superiority complex.  So, I asked the friend to explain her observations.  And she responded, "Well you never really talked much and were always doing your own thing, keeping to yourself..."  

           The thing is, that I met this friend at work.  And when I first started work, I spent a lot of time learning my job, trying to absorb as much as I could.  My reasoning was that knowledge is power, and I wanted to be the very best that I could be at my job.  So of course it could seem like I was always doing my own thing, because I was.   And the other thing is that in certain situations, I can be fairly shy.  Get me in a club and I will be the first person out there dancing with no shirt, and talking to every guy there... but at work I feel kind of out of my element, and I'm always afraid that I'm gonna fuck up.  Eventually I made friends at my current job, and now to an extent they know the real Jake... (and to one of the three co-workers that reads this... no I do not make out with hot guys in the empty conference rooms... it was only that one time!)  But honestly in the beginning I was just really shy.  So I wonder how often I judge a book by its cover.  I know that I am just as guilty of this as the next person.

       For example, there is this girl that works with me that is GORGEOUS!!!!  You know the type, long legs, flawless skin, perfect hair.  And... she dresses like a stripper.  A well paid stripper, but still a stripper.  Now most people would look at her and assume that she's a tramp, or an idiot.  But I've got to know her some, and she is so sweet, so caring, and she's currently in law school.  And not a tramp or a stripper.  So once again you never can be sure how you come across to others.  At the end of the day I've learned to accept that I am kind of complex.  I'm hyper, moody, temperamental, opinionated, sensitive, emotional, exhausting... but I'm me, and I'm okay with that.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Attention whores...

     To some degree, I think that all of us want attention.  This attention can be earned in many different ways... Maybe it's the extra time that we take on our appearance.  For example, I am insane about my skincare routine and my hair...especially the hair.  One of my friends jokes that my hair is its own entity, that it kinda defines me.  And to a point I guess that may be true.  My point is that I take time with the hair, and with the clothes I wear.  I like to be put together I suppose.  And even when I show up in jeans and a t-shirt, you can bet that it wasn't just a simple accidental choice, that I actually spent time choosing which shirt to wear, what accessories to include, hell what shoes work right.  For me, part of the reason is that when I look good, I feel better about myself.  There is something about looking in the mirror and not hating how I look today that gives me confidence, that makes me feel like I can take on the world!  Another part of the reason is that it gets me attention.   Whether it's somebody telling me I look good, or another person asking who does my hair and eyebrows... it's still attention.

          Sometimes though, it kind of amazes me the lengths that some people will go to in order to get attention. There is this girl I know, who is one of the sweetest people that I have ever met, except for the fact that she acts like an idiot.  She basically portrays herself as this "dumb blonde" type, even though I have seen the real her, and know that it is not who she is.  It kind of makes me sad for her, because she doesn't have enough self worth to realize that the real her is an amazing strong woman.  So, because she doesn't realize this, she keeps up with this charade, and it get's the boy's attention.  And lets face it, even negative attention is still a reaction.  And at the end of the day maybe we really do just want people to notice us...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I'll Remember

            It's the end of another week, and my brain is completely fried.  It was an endless stream of long days at work, my gym routine, and not nearly enough sleep.  So now it's Sunday night, and I am sitting at my kitchen table, drinking really good tea and just reflecting on the week that was mostly uneventful, until something happened...     I was going through some photos, and I cam across this...

This is in Fontanelle, Iowa, where my mom is, and I haven't been able to go back.... but seeing this picture brought on so many emotions and it actually kind of surprised me with how i reacted.
            You see, the thing is that this time of year is always really hard on my soul.  My mom was INSANE about the holidays, especially Christmas.  When I was growing up, it was always this grand spectacle of lights and shine and sheer excitement.  She had a flair for the dramatic, and each year was always better than the last.  Five years ago, she left this world, and took a piece of me with her.  I still remember that first Christmas, just 6 weeks after her death.  I remember sitting in my car, parked in the driveway of my parents house, willing myself to have the courage to go inside where my dad and aunt and brother were waiting to unwrap the gifts.  It all seemed so unfair, and at the same time pointless.  Why were we even trying to put on this charade of being a happy family when the one person that brought us together was gone?  Well, somehow I made it through the day, just like I've made it through every day since.  She's still with me everyday, and sometimes the pain is as real as it was five years ago.

             This year I have decided to stop the cycle, to start celebrating the holiday again.  My mom would have wanted the tradition to carry on.  So, that's what I'm doing.  I'm letting her spirit live on through me.  So this year brings decorating a tree, buying gifts, baking cookies that we know I won't eat, and remembering the woman that helped make me who I am today. 

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The World Spins Madly On...

So I have abandoned my old blog, and am starting this one.  If you were a follower of the old one then this will all make sense.  And if not, well welcome and enjoy the ride!  Basically Im an average guy, kinda boring and level-headed...  OK yeah WHO am I kidding?  I'm extraordinary, kinda crazy, clutzy, and sometimes completely oblivious to the world around me.  But I love who I am, and try to live each and every day in a way that makes me proud of who I am, and able to rest peacefully at night...