Sunday afternoon was interesting. I was on lunch at work, and got into a conversation with one of my friends. Basically he was whining about how he isn't totally happy in his relationship, but that he puts up with being halfway happy anyways. The reason? He said that he's too scared to be alone. This of course made me think about how often we settle for something less than great because of our fears? For a long time I settled. I was in pseudo-relationships with people I don't even think I liked, and why? because I was afraid of being alone...
Now I look back and it's odd to me that I was ever that person... the guy that was so insecure and afraid of himself that he couldn't be alone. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find somebody to give my heart to that loves me as much as I love them, but I'm not going to fall apart if it doesn't happen anytime soon. I may be alone, but I am far from lonely. I go out on dates, but I have rules I live by, because I don't want to get hurt again. And it also helps that I have a strong support system... I'm lucky enough to have awesome friends that make me realize just how amazing I am. And for that I am grateful!
So tonight I was supposed to have dinner with Doctor Hottie, aka the guy that I met last week on my day off when I was running in the park and looked like hell. But he got called in and had to cancel. We rescheduled for breakfast tomorrow morning, but honestly I don't really see it going anywhere. Maybe I've become TOO picky? I just don't want to waste so long on somebody that isn't willing to give as much love to me as I give to them. I'm not willing to accept mediocrity when I know that I am a complex, and slightly crazy man that needs somebody that gets me...
And once again I'm rambling because it's after 1 am and my brain is toast. So hopefully my earlier poetry post wasn't too painful, and I will be back tomorrow with an update on Monday... I hate mondays... seriously
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